Astoundingly, in this age of peer-pressure-mass-conformity and the zealous pursuit of an ideal, mass produced, interchangeably obedient and academically focussed, squeaky-clean, screen-time limited, cloned, disenfranchised, non-adult person (aka, schoolchild), the pursuit of uniformity seems to have a blind spot for hats. Hats, you see, in the modern world, are just as dully utilitarian as the powers that be would like all non-adults to be (like gloves), and as such, mysteriously disappear from the conscious mind of even the most avid school uniform rule-list creator (just as they most avidly hope that non-identical-mould non-adults will also conveniently disappear in they are shoehorned into identical little school suits). And if you think that little line of reasoning lacks logical rigor, full marks to you, but hopefully the spirit of the writing gets through to you on some subliminal, primitive, yet somehow artistically sensitive level*.

So, to cut a long story short, modern hats are dully practical, usually wooly or made of that synthetic stuff that apparently is warm and cosy as well as being as impenetrably dull as a slab of concrete (but much less fun). School uniform rules rarely mention headgear, but please do not take this as carte blanche to wear whatever the hell you want. Just because hats aren’t mentioned directly in the rules it doesn’t mean that some little wannabe leader of a shiny new Wehrmacht won’t do their large quantity of bricks impersonation for a perceived infringement of the spirit of the rule (as interpreted by said dictator-wannabe).

Having said that, it is not only practical, but also permissible, to take a bicycle hat to school. Bicycle hats are P.R.O.T.E.C.T.I.V.E. Even if you don’t actually ride a bike. And, on account of bicycle hats being expensive, you can get away with carrying them around with you all day. Problem solved.

Plus, seriously, bicycle hats also, traditionally, have stupid stickers that you thought were cool last year stuck all over them (a bit like tattoos, really (but not on your skin)). I’m not sure why this would be a plus, but, hey, take what you can from life!