If ‘yes’ then they are probably not a zombie, as zombies are not very good at carrying things. However, carrying unwieldy burdens can in fact be the cause of a lurching gait. This might be assumed to be a sign that a lurching teacher who is carrying a large load is automatically not a zombie. No such luck! Most zombies are pretty stupid and have little chance of carrying a large stack of student notebooks, but occasionally you get a kind of superior zombie which retains some of the natural cunning of the veteran teacher. Such zombies may carry books as a camouflage behaviour to conceal the normally revealing lurch. The only real way to check is to trip the teacher so that they fall and drop all their books. The teacher will undoubtedly then yell incoherently and chase after you (I’m assuming you have the sense to leg it without being told). If the teacher runs after you and continues to lurch (despite the lack of books) then they are PROBABLY A ZOMBIE (or possibly they hurt their leg when they fell). If they moan and groan rather than yelling ‘stop right there you revolting little oik!’ this can also be a sign of a zombie teacher (unless they really hurt their leg when they fell).

If ‘no’ then there is a slightly more than infinitesimal chance the teacher is a zombie. However, before you take offensive action, please be sure to work through the check list and get confirmation from other indicators of zombification. Remember, most teachers have some of the common characteristics of Z-people (see Conclusion) and due care must be taken (see Liability Waiver).