School dress codes almost never include underwear, probably on the misplaced assumption that nobody sees it so it doesn’t matter. Well, first of all, that assumption is wrong, wrong, wrong! You take your clothes off in front of other people more often in school that you probably ever will again in your life! (Unless ‘porn-star’ heads your list of ‘super-duper jobs to set your sights on’). PE, Games, health checks, more PE, more Games: no wonder paedophiles are attracted to the teaching profession! (No, stupid, I don’t mean paedophiles are attracted to teachers, I mean pedophiles like to become teachers. English grammar is so clumsy sometimes!)

Anyway, underwear. If you have a little cash you can buy all sorts of odd stuff. For the seriously paranoid, there is motorcycle armour. There is the really thick stuff which you wear outside, but some companies also make a kind of underwear version to go under jeans and t-shirts (for those cool dudes who ride in jeans but don’t like leaving all their flesh on the tarmac). It’s a bit pricy, but imagine a zomb trying to get its teeth into something designed to keep you intact even if you hit the road at over 100mph! Also, it has joint protection, so very useful if you find the only escape is through an upper floor window!

Motorcycle gear may be a bit too costly (or conceivably embarrassing), so another alternative is that sort of tight-fitting sports gear that poseurs like to wear because it highlights their muscles/genitals/secondary sex characteristics/slimness/bulk/fashion sense/lack of brain cells, or for that matter, acts as a kind of socially acceptable corset or bulge re-distributor. It is not quite as bite resistant as body armour, but it adds another useful layer to keep the teeth out. Also, it is not too weird when you get changed for PE (assuming you don’t mind a little playful ribbing from your co-victims in the institutionalised repression of humanity (also laughingly known as ‘classmates’)).

Another slightly expensive but exceedingly tooth resistant option comes from world of underwater adventure. How about a wetsuit to wear under your school shirt, pants and blazer? Tough, flexible, available in a variety of styles and colours, and, in the right setting, a silent but powerful marker of wealth and sophistication (providing you don’t mind smelling of rubber and stale sweat, and taking a long time to go to the toilet).

Or finally, if you are on a really low budget, then just go for long-johns and long-sleeved undershirts. It’s not going to repel the tender attentions of zombie teeth, but at least it gives everyone else a bit of a giggle and you will have done your own special thing for overall world happiness ratings. Yay!

Really, anything which slows or even actually prevents the perforation of your skin by the ripping claws or jagged teeth of the voracious vitalised corpse is a good thing. Also, as mentioned above, underwear is not generally covered by school dress codes (or if it is, it is going to exclude sexy skimpy stuff, rather than body covering bite protective layers).