Imagine this: there are rumours that the zombie apocalypse has come but society has still not broken down. It is the denial phase of the apocalypse and everyone seems to want to keep on going, same as usual, because actually accepting that there is a pandemic which leaves the infected as shambling, ravening, viciously animated corpses is too much for the average human brain to accept (although, if you think about it, it’s not such a huge change from the pre-pandemic population, just more brain oriented and more officially undead). So you, poor soul, are in school. Maybe the virus has not reached your town yet. But maybe the first of the infected are there with you, within the institution. How can you survive? The first step is this – learn how to reliably distinguish an animated corpse from any of the other things you might find walking around your school: in this case, how to tell if your teacher is a zombie.

Here are a few simple questions to run through – they may well save your life!

Q1     Does your teacher lurch or shamble when they walk?

Q2     How does your teacher smell?

Q3     Is your teacher carrying a large stack of books or papers?

Q4     Does your teacher moan?

Q5     Does your teacher have gobbets of meat between their teeth and trickles of fresh blood running from the corners of their mouths?

Q6     Does your teacher have ripped or ragged clothing?

Q7     Is your teacher missing the occasional non-essential body part; fingers, hands, feet, ears and so forth?

Conclusion.

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