First of all, let me say that I am using the word ‘classmate’ in the loosest and most general way and in no way mean to imply that the other people in your school, or class, in any way are, or should be, your ‘mates’. After all, the simple geographical accident of incarceration in the same institution (such incarceration being determined by no more sophisticated system than questions of how old you are and where you happen to live) is not by any measure a valid basis for friendship. This is especially true if your classmate is actually an ambulant corpse. Read on to discover how to identify the undead within your midst, and especially, how to separate the conventional braindead (aka ‘school student’) from the virally induced braindead (aka ‘brain grazer’ or, if we wish to be more politically correct, ‘Z-person’).

Q1     Is your classmate aware of, and reactive to, their surroundings?

Q2     Does your classmate smell funny?

Q3     What are the visual signs?

Q4     Are they in the wrong group?

Q5     Are they responsive to insults?

Q6     Did they stop over with you?

Q7     Are they really kissing?